For Dustin, I guess... [imported from Myspace]

It's kinda late Tuesday night but more officially very early Wednesday morning(1am)

I just cried harder than I have in years. And for the 3rd time tonight. The first two were just "I miss him so much I can hardly stand it" tears. And now I'm at it again. Making bigger, saltier puddles than a puppy.
It started out as just a headache because my stupid hamster makes loads of noise at night and I can't stop him because they don't make shock collars for rodents.
Then add a toothache into the mix because I ate some bread. Go figure.
I decided I was exhausted and tried to go to bed at 12:30, 3 hours ahead of normal schedule. I thought I was gonna be able to sleep but couldn't stop worrying about money. Then I started wondering if my credit card payment was late so I rushed into the family room and got on my laptop. The credit line was fine but the checking account was nearing empty and I couldn't understand the several hundred dollars being spent at Fort Hood. I guess I'll talk to Dustin about it later.
So thinking I was good to go back to bed I literally stumbled back to bed. With the light off and me not wearing my glasses I wrongly estimated the safe ducking height for getting into the bottom bunk. I hit my head on the side, under the top bunk. It didn't hurt too badly but it triggered my "God, help me!" uncontrollable, all-is-lost, heavy sobbing cries.
Once I gained control I decide now is as good of time as any to blog. I've been wanting to for a while anyway.
And of course what's an anxiety attack without chocolate, right?
So I'm sitting here blogging and practically inhaling Hershey's Kisses.
Have I stopped loving myself or have I simply stopped caring? I'm gonna turn into a fat lard and I don't think I'm bothered by that enough to put down the chocolates. The biggest downside is that next time I play cowgirl with Dustin I will crush his poor body under my weight and I will be a widow.

That reminds me.
Karlee, I need my shirts and toys back. But I can't take the kittens until September.
STILL
NOT
MOVING.

People have been complete asses to me lately. Especially on the interwebs. So freaking mean that it ruins my whole day.
I think they just like to feel powerful. Well it's easy to be powerful when you're hiding behind a computer screen. I still make an effort to be nice to people. And if I don't have anything nice or fair to say then I just ignore them.