It's Been A While

I don't know how long it has been since I've last written on this blog but I'd rather not glance at the last thing. Many, if not all, of my posts are quite disturbing and/or depressing. I don't think this one will be so bad. While I'm on the topic of my blog... Why did I have 21 views from Russia on March 27th? That seems incredibly odd to me, even considering it's Russia! Anyway, my life is not awesome right now. It's so unstable. I was diagnosed with Chlamydia a while ago at Planned Parenthood. I have run out of safe excuses to get a ride to or from that clinic so I decided to have the student clinic at UVU get my PP records so that a doctor there can prescribe the treatment. Planned Parenthood legally has 30 days from the date they receive the request for my records to send them. Meanwhile, I'm reeeally uncomfortable and can't have sex!! I'm keeping up in my Excel/Access class but English is bad! A couple weeks ago I was holding a C grade but I feel that I may not pass with a C- by the time final grades are submitted. I have been unable to do any English homework in the past two weeks because I've been dealing with my sister's problems. More on that later. I have an Incomplete grade for Personal Finance from last semester because I was overwhelmed but my teacher understood that I had really tried. Now it is difficult for me to get him to reply to my emails. Besides a giant project for that class, I just have to study up to take some quizzes and tests. I can't go forward with that until I can make arrangements with him to do the tests and quizzes and not worry about the project because that is what is preventing my success! Back to my sister. She moved from Phoenix, AZ to Fort Duchesne, UT in December (2014) with her 4 kids (daughters ages 15, 12, and 9; son age 9). The twins are both autistic. Soon after moving to Utah she announced her engagement to someone we have never met or even knew she was dating. Shortly after, they got married. They lived in a small camper trailer on the in-law's property and one day there was a brawl between my sister and her new sister-in-law. Shit happened. It sucked. My oldest niece (in that clan) even got cut by glass. My sister fled with her kids to our grandmother's house nearby and stayed there (sans husband) for a few weeks before coming down to the area where I live with our mom. That was a little over two weeks ago. She stayed a few nights in a roach motel courtesy of an organization which assists impoverished families and individuals. After that she had to crash in the living room where I am staying for a few nights. She took the kids to visit her husband for a night and that royally pissed off the homeowners so my mom had to pay for an extended stay hotel, where she is now. While she's been down here I have been responsible for her kids, helping her navigate to every government office and apartment/trailer park in the area, and providing her with information on every thing she needs to do (phone numbers, office hours, eligibility requirements, calling places for her)... Those are the big issues that are on my mind. I can't even make plans more than an hour in advance because I just don't know whether or not I'll be needed for something. This thoroughly blows. I guess that was a bit of a rant but there's really nothing good going on in my life. I'm even kinda pissed that suicide is not an option.

thblablah..

I need to get this out. It's supposed to be therapeutic, right? I've been holding onto these thoughts for days, possibly weeks. Also, I've been neglecting my blog. Even though nobody reads it, it's still good to record stuff. Journaling and all that shiz.

Anyway, lately my mom has been inadvertently making me feel like worthless crap. I don't remember exactly when I started gaining weight but I'm 211 now. Ideal for my height is 150. I'm clinically overweight by all definitions. It shows terribly in my stomach, thighs, and arms(shoulder to elbow, not elbow to wrist). My cute clothes barely fit(if at all), some clothes fit comfortably, and I've recently acquired some stuff that is big enough to smuggle a Mexican family under. I've started to wonder if my size is why my new beau doesn't want a romantic relationship with me, though he has no problem fooling around and whatnot. GAH! Should I give Steve a chance then? He says he loves me but I've never let myself consider him as a viable mate since he's not LDS and his lifestyle is soo not church-friendly. He's busy, though... always wrapped up in helping someone move or tending to a distraught friend and he works full-time.

Back to my weight problem. I can't stop eating. My addiction(or whatever the hell is wrong with me) seems to be getting worse. I feel accomplished if I can make a pound of Red Vines last two days. I feel good about eating Pay Days because "peanuts are healthy, and there's no chocolate". I took pictures of my head/face last night because I had done my makeup for a night out and it was then that I noticed that I have more fat in my face than before. I still haven't gotten the courage to post them online. Well I suppose this is as good a place as any to start...

 WHY CAN'T I PLACE THEM SIDE-BY-SIDE? (╥﹏╥) I would say that I'm having a rough life... but there are millions dying from diseases in other countries so... I'm rather unhappy about my circumstances! How's that?

I forgot how good it feels to blog, even if no one is reading I love to write.

Apprehensive

1:50pm
I leave in 10 minutes to go to my first ever Dialectical Behavioral Therapy group at Wasatch Mental Health. Most of their groups are open to all clients but this one is invite-only and very seldom has room for new people. I feel fat and worthless though I know deep down that I am a cherished Child of God.
I just realized I have to pee! I'll cut this short and maybe finish when I get home!

4:50pm
Stuffing my face with a Little Debbie Swiss Roll. I'm waiting for my mom to come home with Kenzie and Jackie. They will be staying for about 3 weeks. Mom is picking them up at the Greyhound station now.
I miss Jackie so much. She will be 15 months old on Monday(August 1st). I'm not thrilled about having Kenzie around. She's a typical 16 year old mother. Immature. Feels "entitled" to everything. Wrong ideas about the world and parenting.
Oh, and she's going to be staying in the room across the hall from mine.
I wonder if Jackie will remember me. Or love me. Or be the same sweet child that left us in May.
From the pictures and videos we've seen since then, she is not that same child. Kenzie and her dad(Jackie's other Grandpa) are not so nurturing or careful about what the baby is exposed to as far as television shows, bad language, second-hand smoke, etc. We think that might have affected our sweet Jackie.

I'm sorry if this all sounds whiney or snobby. I don't mean it like that. But this is MY BLOG, after all.

Honest Effort

I think now I will have an easier time than ever with keeping up a decent blog.

I have a digital camera

I have a microSD card with regular size SD converter

My phone has a microSD slot

My new netbook has an SD card slot

Some of my friends have beautiful blogs to inspire me!

On Friday morning I'm leaving for a special trip with my immediate family and grandmother and will do my best to update the blog while at the hotels(free wifi!)

Help me get more subscribers by spreading the word to your friends, posting your favorite entries of mine to your facebook, Twitter, etc... Also, give me suggestions of the sort of things you enjoy reading on blogs and maybe I'm play up to your flava! (I'm looking for more sites for my Favorite Places section)

Enjoy your lives, everyone. (And by everyone, I mean Angie xD)

color me surprised! 0.0

i can't believe that its been so long since i've written at Xanga! i mean...i know i have a lot of online journals...and i try to post every twice-in-a-while in each of them...but this is crazy!

okay, so now that i'm over my shock-
*sighs* i admit. i've been spying. i've got subscriptions of people who i have stuff in common with who don't even know i read their blogs. and let me tell ya, they make me giggle.

i'm supposed to get a turtle this week. and his/her name shall be "Tortellini". we want 2, and if we get a second, Tortellini will belong to Eric and i will name mine "Giggles". if you know anything about our pet history(which you probably don't, unless you are Courtney), then you might find it odd that we also named our guinea pig "Nibbles"....hmm.

i'm so hungry and there is nothing to eat!!
i've been paying my little brother's best friend to help me clean my room.
i heart Bolt.com...
Draco/Tom is mad sexy!
my breath is rank...
&& i need to go shower now.