The L Word

I met someone recently, on OKCupid. He initiated contact by sending me a message that caught my interest.

I have to ask what other dorky things are you into. And brown coats or are you a purple belly.

That was Friday (today is Tuesday, or it was when we had our first date, anyway). We've been texting almost nonstop since then and today we got together for a movie date.
Before the movie we had time to kill so we walked around the mall near the theater and walked into a video game store to browse. He picked up a few games and told me about them. Then I picked up The Testament of Sherlock Holmes in the Xbox section. I showed him and expressed excitement about it then put it back on the shelf. Just a minute later he decided to buy it for me! A few minutes after leaving the game store I told him that I've got an Xbox but need a new power supply - so he offered to go back and get one! I would let him. Instead we sat and talked until time to go to our movie.
He took me to Jurassic World (starring Chris Pratt <3). We cuddled the whole time and he even kissed me, and bit my neck and ear a few times!
After the movie we decided to grab something to eat and ended up at Denny's. The french toast is SO YUMMY. I drew tiger stripes on the milkshake picture on the placemat because neither side was a blank canvas. B stared at me while I ate and we a good, long conversation.
After dinner we drove around and he took us to a secluded place to park. We kissed and fooled around a little then went on a walk to find a darker place to do the dirty. It was so romantic how he supported my head and back with his hands as he lowered me to the ground. He has really firm biceps! I won't go into too much detail on this blog but my time on the ground with him and every other moment with him was immensely enjoyable.
Between dinner and grass stains he externally battled with a thought in his head that he wanted to say but was sure it would freak me out, scare me off. I convinced him that I wasn't going anywhere and that I wanted to know what was on his mind. Several minutes later he said "I love you". I was shocked and aroused. I told him that I didn't want to say it back until I knew for sure I wouldn't regret it.
He's still worried that he freaked me out, despite much assurance from me that I'm not.

I really like this man.

Update

I keep meaning to write. Really, I do.
I haven't had crippling episodes of depression lately but I'm desperate to get outside of my own head. I can't stand it in there.
I've been working out 1-3x per week since mid-January. Sometimes with my mom at the Orem Fitness Center on an old stationary bike, and sometimes alone at UVU in one of their open rooms.
At UVU I use a leg press weighted cable machine, and bicep curl weighted cable machine(preacher curl).
I track my activity 24/7 with a Fitbit One personal fitness tracker.

 I was doing well at tracking my food too but stopped because it got depressing and shameful.
I ordered a bike from Walmart.com for home use. It was $124 before tax. It will be available for pickup either Tuesday or Wednesday(my 25th b-day is the 13th!).

As for dating... I keep thinking that I've finally found someone who understands me, then they lose my number(if you know what I mean). A couple weeks ago I went to a movie(The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey) and had a blast. This guy is sweet and perfect for me. After the date he told me that he thought he was ready for a new relationship but actually isn't. We still text, though. I think there's a real possibility of something nice with him.

I'm starting to think that I'm making myself mentally sicker than I am. Because, how else am I supposed to get any attention? Do I have to pretend to be sicker so that someone will care? I'm not a good actress and pills will come up in toxicity screening tests.

I started new classes at UVU last month. They give me something to do but I'm finding that they don't occupy me enough. I still have too much time to think and be responsible for my own thoughts and actions.

Trying to Look Up

A lot has happened today:

• helped Mom find every last cent in the house without digging into my dad's change or our "found money" jar; Dad needed us to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy
• received an email alert from the Department of Workforce Services at myCase(online client portal); I have been approved for food stamps in the amount of $200/month, with a case review in April
• attended appointment with my case worker at WRC; made appointments for physical and psych evaluation for my Medicaid application; case worker emailed her boss about a DI voucher so I can get casual clothes that fit
• set up an appointment to see about re-opening my case at Vocational Rehabilitation, hoping to get dental work done so I can be presentable and employable and kissable.
• put up an ad on freecycle.org to see if anyone can spare clothes that would fit me or Jackie.
• redeemed a coupon Mom got for 2 free chicken tacos from Del Taco, and I took advantage of the "3 for 99 cents" deal to get soft tacos that are usually 49 cents each.
• knocked up the Sara Lee bakery outlet to get yummy bread products and reduced prices; we love it there
• stopped off at WinCo to get necessities and some snacks
• finally, retreated to my room once home to just mellow out

I finished the first season of Shake It Up! and got around to watching The Wackness because Josh Peck is hawt. And downloaded the latest episodes of Mike & Molly and 2 Broke Girls and three movies(The Amazing Spiderman, Brave, and Breaking Dawn pt 2).

Kenzie will be in Des Moines, Iowa with her crew tonight; we anticipate Wyoming tomorrow night then Lehi late Thursday night.

I have to pee then get to sleep.

Can I Rant? Why, Yes, I Can.

Don't anyone get their panties in a bunch. This isn't one of those lame rants about how everything sucks and how awful my life is.
I started writing my newest blog entry on loose-leaf notebook paper in my English class this morning but I am feeling far to tired to fetch it from my bag. I'll start over.
I was very frustrated this morning sitting next to/behind some very annoying classmates. They run on idiotically about how much the Twilight series sucks and they like Harry Potter but it's so fake and after our quiz Jock Face stated that it's so much easier to skim the chapters of our book for the answers than it is to actually read the material we're assigned and that he hates his life so much!!! They make me want to run screaming through the halls.
At the beginning of class while we were supposed to be doing a journal assignment the teacher called me out into the hall(doorway as it were). She confronted me about not seeing anything turned in from me when she was grading our papers. I leveled with her that was gonna learn as much as I could in this semester and then try 990(a lower level English course) next time. She understood and encouraged me to still turn in work so that I could get feedback and make progress. She told me I couldn't pass the class without doing all of the work and I let her know that I accepted that.
That conversation was uncomfortable, but I think necessary.

On to better things.
I played "We Thank Thee, Oh God, For A Prophet" for my institute class today and did pretty well!! And after class the regular piano player complimented me :)
It made me feel really good.

I downloaded Insidious last night and invited my buddy Steve to watch it with me. It's not my fault that I love him. It's supposed to be a Horror movie, calling for muchos cuddling.
My love life is becoming super complicated. :( I'm unhappy about that.

I'm also a little frustrated now that I can't find anything "Harry Potter" to wear to the movie on Friday. Whaaaatever.

OH I JUST REMEMBERED!! Plans have been made for Kenzie and Jackie to come stay for a month!! We bought their Greyhound tickets today. JACKIE JACKIE JACKIE JACKIE JACKIE JACKIE JACKIE!! I'm excited to see her again.

Albuquerque day 5 [imported from Myspace]

A little while after I woke up today Kimberly and I went grocery shopping and since it took so long we had to pick up Ryan from his school on the way home. It took forever getting away from the school because of parent traffic. I was soo hungry by that time because I didn't get to eat before we had left the house. I snacked on a few Pringles and a banana sprinkled with sugar! For dinner Anthony barbecued pork chops, steak, and chicken. I had a lot of chicken and pork chops. They tasted so good! We rented The Game Plan and Messengers from the Redbox in Smith's and watched the former of the two movies while we ate.
After the movie it was just LaVaun and I watching t.v. and she let me surf through the channels. I landed on Scrubs and Kimberly agrees it's an awesome show but Anthony walked in when "Dr. Cox" made a sex joke and got mad that LaVaun was watching that kind of show. Mad at me, not LaVaun. So I changed it to a really stupid Disney show.
A bit later LaVaun had fallen asleep and Anthony came in to check on us. I was watching Futurama and neither of us knew that she was sleeping. Thank goodness too because if she wasn't I'm sure that I'd have been in more trouble.
I eventually left her to sleep on the couch and took all of my stuff back into her room. This was pre-arranged by Kimberly, that Lavaun would sleep in the front room and I would take her room.
I've been snacking like a monster! A few Doritos here and there, a bunch of angel food cake and more Pringles... I'm such a fatty lardo. I don't know if I should starve myself at home to lose more weight before I see Dustin or not even worry about it. I want to be gorgeous for him. Best case scenario when he sees me again for the first time in 11 weeks is that I cause him an instant boner. That would be the ideal confidence boost for me. Ha ha!
Well if I'm going to make it to bed by 2am I need to get this wrapped up.