Not Really A Merry Christmas

I'm feeling homicidal. I don't wanna kill just anyone. It would have to be *Petrov.
I intentionally overdosed on Klonopin (my as-needed anxiety medication). I only have a couple pills left now and no refills. I don't have a doctor right now so hopefully the next kook I see will give me a prescription for them.
I'm listening to The Used now on iHeartRadio. Except "Welcome to the Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance just came on but I like it so no problem. I forgot stations weren't strict to their artists.
I'm going to draw a scary picture or two. Art therapy, right? I really need to find a new place to help me with my mental illnesses. FUCK INSURANCE NOT COVERING MENTAL HEALTH CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And FUCK MY SCHOOL'S STUDENT HEALTH PROGRAM FOR NOT HAVING ADEQUATE SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK THE INCREDIBLY LIMITED AVAILABILITY OF INPATIENT CARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last time I went to the ER with suicidal and homicidal plans they sent me home with nothing but empty promises. If I cut myself up right now it would only upset my family and friends and hospital workers would just suggest I call the CRISIS line next time or hitchhike my fat ass to the CRISIS center in Provo.
"Merry Christmas you fucking tart."

Let's see if I can poop out some scary therapeutic drawing. Wish me luck, I guess.

fatty deposits

I'm kinda depressed. And you'll never ever guess what it is this time.

(It's cuz I'm fat.)

I'm going on a secret date tomorrow.

(He's not LDS, or white, and LOVES SEX)

So I'm trying to pick out something to wear. And it was really upsetting that my Plan W didn't fit. It's a tee shirt that I got with a special order of AAR's Move Along(2005) and due to a mistake I got a shirt that would fit two of me. Now it fits really tight. Displays every curve as if I wasn't wearing anything at all.

I ended up with a humongo tee and flannel shirt from my collection of clothing that Kenzie left here. And the humongo shirt fits me decently. It doesn't really hide anything, though.

So now I'm listening to my whole Eminem collection.

(after downloading a discography and deleting the stuff that I ended up not liking there are 11 songs left)

I have to take three buses to get to Sandy to meet Mike. It'll take 2 hours from the time I catch the first bus to the time I get off the third.

Also, I don't have a doorknob on my bedroom door right now. Eric took off the old one to put in a new one that locks with a key but we lost part of it.

I wanna scream.

[When you click image #s 1,2,4, and 5 they get BIGGER]

mobile: Tunes

Playing a Plain White Ts mix in the car and relaxing in the passenger seat

Effin' Pizzed

I'm listening to my "angry grrrl" playlist on Myspace. I think my music playlists are the only reason I still log in to Mahspace. I can't get the video to go BELOW my words. --_--

Anyway, my mom and I got into mad moods about me dying her hair. So I went to see my friend Shmarah because I just found out she's been really depressed for a long time. It felt great to catch up about her and talk to her about myself. Then I gathered the courage to confront Shmitch about him ignoring me for several months, despite our supposed relationship. I'd like to think that he was terrified to see me when he came to the door. Hahahahahaha!! >:D

I got right to the point. I got the answers that I needed. I told him that I felt that I deserved attention and he said he agreed. Then I reminded him that "I live right over there" if he ever wanted to talk again. Seriously, his next door neighbor shares a fence with our backyard.

I'm upset that he didn't bother talking to me at all for so long and that I had to go so far as to ambush him at home. Tsk tsk.

I think I need to go do some therapy exercises or something.

Change is good, right? [imported from Myspace]

This blog belongs in two different categories so I just filed it away under "Life" with the majority of my blogs.

First topic: job hunting
Its kinda fun but at the same time annoying. I'm not as desperate now as I have been during past job hunts. I've actually got a job now that I've held since January 31st of this year. Only trouble is, there has always been so much drama. Not that I have a problem with that, it's just that if I do end up without this current job then I have a lot of financial obligations that need to be met still. I'm thinking of either getting another job part-time and staying on the same hours at PGM, or going full-time elsewhere and working a few morning hours at PGM.
I have an interview for Mervyn's tomorrow after work and last night I applied online for Game Crazy.

Also...
signed up for this thing where I can make money online and all I gotta do is help advertise a website that they set up for me that has information about a diet patch.
It's called the "Apple Patch Diet".
For more information go to my personal Apple Patch website.
I figure it was a pretty secure investment, I payed $30 to get started and that's a one-time fee. They give me back $25 just for signing up. If nothing comes of it that's only $5 lost on a potential money-maker.
I'm going to try it and see what it's like, so that I can provide more secure belief to it for potential customers.
I'm not going to go crazy spamming people about it, I'll just "aid" in promotion ever twice-in-a-while.

Goals now, k?
I just signed up for the intensive Driver's Ed course at UVSC last night. Cost me $280 but that's the price of freedom, right? Once I have my license I'll be free as the wind blows, free as the grass grows... (please tell me you got that reference)
I'm already making hefty payments on a nice car.
A silver 2006 Saturn ION! My minimum payments are only like $260 per month but I generally try to make about $400 so that I can get it payed off faster with less interest. Go me!

So I've heard of Nightwish before but never really bothered to listen to their music.
Tonight Erin W wanted me to help her find "Ghost Love Score" on Myspace so I actually found the video and watched it. I fell in love almost instantly!
Now I've just gotta listen to Mushroomhead since it's Brett's favorite band... I hope I like it... *crosses fingers*