Homicidal with a side of Calm

2pm: Catherine asks me to take her dog for a few months. My dad was never fond of taking in visitors, even before his worst changes. My mom wouldn't even weigh in on the dog issue and suggested that I could at least ask my dad. 
2:10: Gently, gingerly, explain to my dad that a long-time friend needs me to take her dog for a couple months. 
"No," he butts in before I get any farther. 
"But you didn't even hear the details." I contest. "It will stay outside except at night when it goes in a kennel and she's paying for everything it needs." 
After some silence, "Well?" I probe. 
"Are you done?" he confirms. 
"Yeah." 
"No." 
"Why not?" 
"No." 
"So you don't have a reason?" 
"We're conversing and I didn't want that!" 
"You say you love us but you really don't show it." 
"I'm done." And he leaves in a huff (after pushing through my legs to get past the desk). 

I recounted the conversation to my mom and stressed that he needs to be taken into treatment against his will or at least have a family intervention. She doesn't support that idea. 
I ran downstairs crying and took away the power cable and Ethernet connection from my dad's computer (when he left he took laundry to the laundromat because he refused any sort of solution to our broken washing machine), then warned my mom to prepare for Hell. She asked what was wrong and I screamed in my rare demon voice (just sounds that way because I was so loud and angry), "Nothing! We have perfect fucking lives!" I proceeded to slam my bedroom door, lock it and lose my shit (tears, hair pulling, snot nose, uncontrollable sobbing noises). 
My mom came downstairs to check on me and apparently only cared that I try to hurt myself. 
I kept screaming at her to go away. I don't even remember the conversation. It is now 2:50pm. 

While she was running errands this morning I sent her a cute "I miss you" text and she just barely got it after all the screaming!!! She replied "I miss you, too. Want me to come talk to you?" 
I ignored the message and she came down anyway so I had to explain that I sent that while she was gone this morning!!!! 

I don't know what Dad is going to do when he sees that I have interfered with his cozy hidey hole. Heaven forbid he have a conversation that he's not comfortable with!

I want to kill my dad, then Mom will get Social Security survivors benefits and I can take care of Catherine's dog. 
AND YET I still can't get inpatient help for myself. Not in Utah, anyway. 

confession

I talk in pink and this other guy talks in blue.


Friday, May 18th, 2012

I found out recently that you had been pursuing another woman and that crushed me

Oh, referring to my Facebook post?

Yeah

ok.

If that's all you have to say, I'm going to sleep

What am I supposed to say?

It doesn't matter, because, I'm asleep now.

Why are you so determined to be with me?

Zzzzzzz

Whatever. Forget I messaged you. Is not like you haven't been looking for other people too.

I've been looking because I know I can't be with you

Then stop bring all butt hurt...you're so damn clingy...

I will cut you bitch

No, you won't.

And now Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

Do you feel better after threatening me?

I would never really do that. I've never threatened anyone before. I'm sorry about that.

Sure

:'(

I won't date you

I knew that long before I was homicidal

Ok

I need Monopoly back, btw

K

Enjoy fooling around with your friend that gives you stds

The reason I'm telling you this, is that tonight I took a too-hot bath and was afraid to ever get out because I thought it very possible that I'd frantically search for my razor blades when I got back to my room.

I think I'm just too exhausted for all that nonsense tonight.

Also, I think I could benefit from some inpatient time at my local psychiatric hospital but I'm 9 months short of qualifying for personal or medical leave at work.

What's the term for having the desire to cut another person's face to ribbons with a broken Sprite bottle? That's not the sort of thing I'd post on Yahoo! Answers. 

Untitled #1 [imported from Xanga]

are you tired of my stupid quiz results yet? well this one is about something real. little anti-social erin got home from babysitting today only to find her friends waiting for her out in their old Montero and her mother still griping about how she owes her $15 for her cell bill, which meant everything she earned from the last two times she babysat. so erin handed over everything she just made and ran out the door to take off with her friends. after picking up the PJ they went to Libby's house and played monopoly with Hyrum. Hyrum was being a jerk the whole time and by the time erin got home she had beaten him up several times and almost called him a penis, but she didn't because she realized that there were "little ears" in the room. oh yeah, and my friend asked her crush to be her boyfriend (they were already good friends) and he told her that he was in love with another girl (who doesn't recognize his existence). so when erin got home she had a fight with her dad and eric too. her day has sucked except for the part where she went shopping at walmart with her momma. and she's still suicidal, but myspace doesn't have that on their list of moods, so she will continue to use the one that says "depressed". have a nice day, ya'll!