confession

I talk in pink and this other guy talks in blue.


Friday, May 18th, 2012

I found out recently that you had been pursuing another woman and that crushed me

Oh, referring to my Facebook post?

Yeah

ok.

If that's all you have to say, I'm going to sleep

What am I supposed to say?

It doesn't matter, because, I'm asleep now.

Why are you so determined to be with me?

Zzzzzzz

Whatever. Forget I messaged you. Is not like you haven't been looking for other people too.

I've been looking because I know I can't be with you

Then stop bring all butt hurt...you're so damn clingy...

I will cut you bitch

No, you won't.

And now Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

Do you feel better after threatening me?

I would never really do that. I've never threatened anyone before. I'm sorry about that.

Sure

:'(

I won't date you

I knew that long before I was homicidal

Ok

I need Monopoly back, btw

K

Enjoy fooling around with your friend that gives you stds

The reason I'm telling you this, is that tonight I took a too-hot bath and was afraid to ever get out because I thought it very possible that I'd frantically search for my razor blades when I got back to my room.

I think I'm just too exhausted for all that nonsense tonight.

Also, I think I could benefit from some inpatient time at my local psychiatric hospital but I'm 9 months short of qualifying for personal or medical leave at work.

What's the term for having the desire to cut another person's face to ribbons with a broken Sprite bottle? That's not the sort of thing I'd post on Yahoo! Answers. 

Effin' Pizzed

I'm listening to my "angry grrrl" playlist on Myspace. I think my music playlists are the only reason I still log in to Mahspace. I can't get the video to go BELOW my words. --_--

Anyway, my mom and I got into mad moods about me dying her hair. So I went to see my friend Shmarah because I just found out she's been really depressed for a long time. It felt great to catch up about her and talk to her about myself. Then I gathered the courage to confront Shmitch about him ignoring me for several months, despite our supposed relationship. I'd like to think that he was terrified to see me when he came to the door. Hahahahahaha!! >:D

I got right to the point. I got the answers that I needed. I told him that I felt that I deserved attention and he said he agreed. Then I reminded him that "I live right over there" if he ever wanted to talk again. Seriously, his next door neighbor shares a fence with our backyard.

I'm upset that he didn't bother talking to me at all for so long and that I had to go so far as to ambush him at home. Tsk tsk.

I think I need to go do some therapy exercises or something.

Freaking Out

My boyfriend is estranged. We haven't spoken in a long time and it's not even because either of us are mad. He's a busy fellow and I accept that.

A few minutes ago I tried to type his name in the search bar on facebook and his name didn't drop down. It was weird but what really bothered me was when I went into an event that we're both going to be attending and next to his name in the "Attending" list appeared a button labeled "Add as friend". That's when I really started to freak out. So I sent him a message, reading "Did you unfriend me? 0.o". And that's it.

Dustin is totally over me and engaged to a girl that I actually kindof approve of. My boyfriend doesn't bother to talk to me and goes so far as to unfriend me online instead of breaking up with me. I'm becoming greatly upset.

I'm supposed to be using a diary card every day to keep track of feelings, urges, etc and skills that I'm practicing to cope with stuff but I'm totally not in the habit and haven't filled anything in since Monday. I suck. I'm gonna get in trouble with my DBT group.

I need a hug.

Lie to Me(In Your Eyes) [imported from Myspace]

I see it in your eyes
The deceit and misery
I know that you're not well in your mind

Lie to me, lie to me
I expect it like the mail
There's not an honest bone
in your body

I won't listen
I won't take it
I deserve better than this
I won't listen
I won't take it
I deserve the truth

You know I don't believe you
You can't help yourself anymore
You see it in my eyes, I don't believe you
You can't hurt me anymore

Lie to me, lie to me
With ill intentions
Keep me in the dark
Like I won't understand

Truth is
I'm smarter than
You lead me to believe
I deserve
A better man
One that will not lie to me

I won't listen
I won't take it
I deserve better than this
I won't listen
I won't take it
I deserve the truth from you

You're actin'
So paranoid
Like I might be catchin on
So the truth is
You suck at telling lies

(Lie to me)
I won't listen
(Lie to me)
I won't take it
I deserve better than this
(I deserve a better man)
(Truth is)
I won't listen
(I'm smarter than)
I won't take it
(I lead you to believe)
(I deserve the truth...) *fade out, repeating*